World of Hero
M A Davis
"See that guy over there?" The giant man in black and blue spandex took a sip of beer. "In the red and blue tights? That's Fire and Ice Man. He's the one who took down the villain known as BOSS_NAME."
The old man seated across from him frowned. "BOSS_NAME? What the hell kind of villain name is that?"
The big man shrugged. "I don't know. That's just what I heard."
The League of Two-Fisted Justice -- the world's premier super hero group -- was having its monthly meeting in Roy's 5th Avenue Pub. All five current members were seated around the table -- Grandpa Anarchy, Unpossible Man, Deep Fat Fryer, Dark Dr. Dark, and Nina Ballerina. Grandpa was an old man in a rumpled gray suit and fedora. Unpossible Man was easily over seven feet tall and four hundred pounds, and dressed in blue and black spandex with a large U on the chest. Deep Fat Fryer was another large man, although fat was the better word. He had red pants with a yellow flame pattern and a red fedora, and a white shirt with a bright red and yellow crown on the front. Nina was, of course, dressed as a ballerina, in white tights and a pink leotard and tutu, while Dark Dr. Dark wore all black, including a hooded cloak, but with a red cross framed by white on his chest.
Also present was Grandpa Anarchy's current sidekick Lard Lad, who indeed was quite heavy-set for a teenager, and unfortunately dressed in a silver spandex jumpsuit. He was staring at Unpossible Man with something akin to adoration, for while he was sidekicking for Grandpa Anarchy, he wanted to become a hero like Unpossible Man.
Grandpa Anarchy took a sip of his Dr. Pepper -- he never drank alcohol -- and set it down. A moment later, the air beside the glass flickered, and a six-inch man appeared. He wore high-tech armor of dark green and silver, with a sealed helmet with a dark green visor. Green energy seemed to radiate from the joints. He flickered again. like a tiny hologram.
Everyone's gaze turned to the tiny man. Nina raised an eyebrow.
"Grandpa Anarchy? Can you hear me?" the man called out.
"Yeah, yeah, I hear ya," said Grandpa. "Help me, Obi-wan, you're my only hope. Am I right?"
The image flickered in silence for a moment. "Yes, that analogy would be appropriate," he said. "I appear as a hologram to you, yes?" He looked around the table. "Good, you've got the whole League of Two-Fisted Justice!" He turned as if to address someone to his right, although no one was there. "It's working, Doctor!"
Lard Lad was staring at the little armored man in amazement, but the other heroes were taking his appearance with remarkable calm -- even boredom or annoyance. Unpossible Man said, "And I was really hoping for a nice, quiet evening for once, too."
"My name is Gammatron," said the hologram. "I am communicating with you from the World of Hero..."
Lard Lad snapped his fingers. "Gammatron! World of Hero! Of course! I thought I recognized you!" He paused, then added, "But that's just an online game -- and it got shut down last week, I think. MCSquaredSoft killed it."
"Don't be daft, he's not some video-game character," Grandpa Anarchy said, but the green armored man was nodding.
"I am, in fact, a 'video game character', or at least I was," he said. "With the shutdown of the game, our very world is in mortal peril...."
"Your world doesn't exist!" Lard Lad said definitively. "It was just a computer-generated world created for a game that's been shut down! You don't exist! You're just the hero alter-ego of the game's lead designer, Mike Mallard!"
"I can assure you that I do indeed exist," said Gammatron. "But perhaps not for much longer. Look, I don't have time to go into all the details of alternate world theory and our current understanding of how it works -- suffice it to say, a world that thousands upon thousands of people cherished and believed in for more than eight years does indeed have an independent existence as a real universe of its own. Or at least, it can. That's where you come in."
"You want us to save a virtual world?" Grandpa Anarchy asked.
"Yes," said the newcomer.
Deep Fat Fryer took one last drink of beer. Unpossible Man lit a cigar. As one, the five heroes stood. "It's nothing we haven't done before," said Deep Fat Fryer.
"Ready when you are," Nina Ballerina said.
The man seemed quite pleased. "Splendid!" He looked them over. "Oh, dear, I just realized... this is your current sidekick?"
"Lard Lad? Unfortunately, yes," said Grandpa.
The armored man placed a hand to his chin. "Well, this is a bit embarrassing. Your last several sidekicks were young girls...."
"Yes, but I take whoever the agency sends me," said Grandpa.
"You see, you will have to log in to the game in order to help me save it. Doctor Eon and I have created special avatars for the five of you," he indicated the five members of the League of Two-Fisted Justice. "They should closely match your prime world selves. But the avatar for your sidekick...." He stared at Lard Lad for a long moment.
"What?" asked the boy.
"Well, there's nothing to be done for it," Gammatron said. "Shall we proceed?"
"No time like the present to save the world," said Deep Fat Fryer. "Let's light it up!"
"Doctor?" the tiny man asked. There was a moment's pause, then holographic laptops appeared before each hero, each with a login screen. "Just type your name," said Gammatron. "Grandpa would type Grandpa Anarchy, Nina would type Nina Ballerina, etc." He paused to look at Lard Lad. "You will need to log in as, 'Magical Girl Kin Katy', I'm afraid. I'm sorry about this."
The sidekick's hands paused over the keyboard. "What?"
"As I said, we were expecting a female sidekick...."
"Does that mean I'll appear in your world as a girl?" asked the boy, who thought much faster than he moved.
"Naturally," said Gammatron. "You will appear as the avatar that we've created to be Grandpa's sidekick."
"Then I ain't going!" the boy said, crossing his arms. "I ain't playing no dumb girl. Make me a Lard Lad avatar!"
"Look, I'm sorry," said Gammatron. "I would if I could, but there's no time. If you're to join us then you will have to do it as the avatar we've already created. And we really need you...."
Lard Lad shook his head. "No way, no how, never in a million years. Got that? I ain't doing it. End of discussion."
***
Magical Girl Kin Katy nervously fingered the hem of her very short skirt. "I feel like an idiot, dressed like this," she muttered.
Nina placed a hand on the girl's head. "But you're really cute, Katy!" she exclaimed.
"Katy," said Gammatron, "you are a magic-based kinetics support character. You job is to buff the team and keep us healed...."
"I know what to do," the girl said sourly. "I've played the stupid game before...."
"Only this is not a game, remember," said Gammatron. "This is our reality."
He paused to look over the team. All five heroes -- and one very annoyed, pint-sized magical girl -- had appeared in a gleaming, high-tech lab. A full sized Gammatron was here, along with Doctor Eon, who had the look of a typical mad scientist -- Doc Brown hair that stuck out like he'd just been shocked, thick goggles that would be the envy of any Steampunk costumer, a dirty suit and less-than-white lab coat, and some sort of power gloves. He was bent over a computer, and only paused to give the most cursory of greetings.
"Doctor Eon is one of this world's foremost villain scientists," said Gammatron.
The doctor held up a finger. "I prefer the term mad scientist," he said. "It is not demeaning in the least. In fact, it is a badge of honor."
The armored man nodded. "We are two of the only people in this world to so far 'break our programming' as it were. You see, even though the game that created this world has been shut down, the people of this world know of no other existence but to do as they were programmed to do. They all have the potential to become self-aware and independent of thought, and given enough time most of them would, but time is something we do not have. If this world does not establish itself as an independent universe within the next few days, it will fade away forever."
"What happened to the player heroes?" asked Katy. "Couldn't they help?"
"They vanished when the game shut down," said Gammatron. "Doctor Eon believes that they will reappear as independent heroes and villains once the world has been saved."
"Just a theory," said Eon, "but I cannot possibly be wrong! Every character that has ever existed in this world will exist once again! Yes, even the stupid ones with names like DevilNinjaDragon123 and xXxSpydormanxXx! and Salvage Mule 2!"
Gammatron sighed. "Yes. When you save everyone, you unfortunately save everyone."
"We have an additional player to add to our little group," said Doctor Eon. "While I know that you stupor-hero types love to save the world, I cannot say that I trust you further than I can throw you." He paused to glare at Unpossible Man. "And let's just say that in some cases, throwing you would present a very complicated logistical challenge. In any case, I have long been in contact with one of the foremost villains of your world, who has agreed to join us...."
From behind a wall a woman appeared. She was dressed in the fishnet stockings, high heels, and Playboy-bunny leotard of a magician's assistant, but also wore the bright red tuxedo coat with long tails and the tall stovepipe hat of a circus ringmaster. She wore whiteface with bright red lips and dark eye shadow. The effect was more like that of a geisha than a mime or clown.
"Why, Grandpy-poo, how nice to see you again," the woman said. "Remember me?"
Grandpa frowned. "Have we met?" There was something in the voice....
The woman cackled, then turned about. "Quite sexy, don't you think? You see, I have spent many years playing an avatar in World of Hero -- this avatar, in fact, a sort of female version of myself...."
"Carnival Act!" Grandpa jumped back and put his fists up, ready to fight.
"Oh, please don't get all fisticuffs on me, Grandpa. I'm here to save the world, the same as you. For the greater good and all of that?"
"You never save anything!" Grandpa swore. "What's your angle, Carnival? Destroying real world things isn't good enough for you?"
"No," said Carnival, "it's not. I like destroying virtual things too. But in this case, Grandpy-poo, I'm being quite sincere. I love this world, perhaps more than you can know. It will give me satisfaction to know that it will exist beyond the death of the game itself, and that this sexy alternate-world version of me will go on living and wreaking havoc. So yes, I am here to save the world, if only this once."
Grandpa Anarchy frowned. "You know, my future self told me that you'd one day save millions...."
"Yes, yes, I remember."
"I only hope he wasn't referring to this," Grandpa said. "Saving a game world...."
"Is every bit as important as saving a real one," said Gammatron. "Mr. Anarchy, this is my world. I live in it. How can it be any less important than any other?"
"Okay, got it," said Grandpa. "Save the girl, save the world. How do we start?"
"Save the girl...?" Gammatron sounded perplexed.
"Just a phrase," said Nina Ballerina, glaring at Grandpa. "But how do we save this world?"
"Why, by running my 'Save the World of Hero' mission arc, created just for this occasion!" exclaimed Doctor Eon. "You have to fight through a hoard of baddies and the sub boss, then take down the main boss! How else would you save a game world?"
***
"Your first mission," said Doctor Eon, "Is to clear out all the Arekki left over from the invasion. They're cluttering up the city."
"Arekki?" asked Nina.
"Aliens from another world," said Gammatron. "There was a player event that lasted until the servers were shut down. A lot of them are left over. We'll need to street sweep and remove all of them."
Once outside, the heroes (and villain) saw exactly what he was talking about. In every direction could be seen insect-like aliens with strange beam rifles and oversized energy swords. They were just standing around, on every street corner, in groups of several each. Grandpa Anarchy frowned.
"What are they doing?" he asked.
"Waiting to be attacked," said Gammatron. "They're street spawns. They're still slaves to the computer code, just like everyone else."
"Right. Fryer," said Nina, "you come with me. Dark Doc with Grandpa, Unpossible Man with Katy, and Gammatron with Carnival Act. Got it? Let's move out."
The heroes moved swiftly through the city streets. Grandpa Anarchy really was good with his fists, and Nina spun and high-kicked like a much prettier Jackie Chan. Unpossible Man could knock foes down merely by stomping the ground with his foot, and Deep Fat Fryer tossed fire about like a pizza chef tossing dough. Gammatron blasted with radiation, Carnival Act lashed and cut with her whip, Dark Dr. Dark could blast and hold foes with darkness itself, and Magical Girl Kin Katy used her magic wand for a variety of hyper-cute attacks involving hearts, teddy bears, and candy.
Soon the streets were clear. They met back at Eon's lab.
"For your next assignment," said Doctor Eon, "you must go to the address on this piece of paper and clear out an unused lab. You will most likely find the sub-boss hanging out in the back room, looking menacing. Defeat him, then return to me."
"What's the guy's name?" asked Nina.
"His name is...." Eon paused, staring at his computer. "It just says: BOSS_NAME, actually."
"Him again!" Grandpa Anarchy exclaimed. He slammed his fist into his palm. "So, we meet at last!"
"This is a glitch that always happens with old missions," said Gammatron. "When they shuffle the code around, sometimes the game would forget who the villain was in a given mission instance. He or she would then become BOSS_NAME."
"In a way, he's one of the more famous villains in this entire world," said Doctor Eon.
BOSS_NAME turned out to be a rather unremarkable villain -- a large, bald guy in a dark suit, looking something like Kingpen, but not nearly as tough. The heroes fought their way through a laboratory filled wall to wall with goons in suits, then made short work of their strangely-named leader.
"Excellent work" said Doctor Eon. "And now, for the big finale -- the final encounter. If you will all step over here, I will teleport us to there...."
He tapped a few buttons on his computer, and the room filled with white light. Moments later, they were standing on a flat rock in a barren landscape, filled with giant rock spires reaching to the sky. The rocks ringed a large depression carved out of the landscape -- a saucer-shaped hollowing of the land. At the base of the bowl sat a semi-translucent, quivering mass. It was at least the width of a football field, and several stories high.
"It looks like a huge pile of... egg salad..." said Grandpa.
"Yes," said Gammatron, "ham salad, actually. One of our world's earliest and biggest boss encounters was with this creature, known as the former Doctor Ham Salad. His experiments turned him into the creature you see before you -- Hamsaladon...."
Nina raised an eyebrow. "You can't be serious...."
"The writing in the early days of the game wasn't the best," said Gammatron. "In any event, it was one of our worlds biggest enemies. Even near the end of the game, players were running 'Ham' raids, defeating Hamsaladon over and over."
"And why does beating him save the game?" asked Nina, who tended to be the most practical member of the League.
"A good question," said Doctor Eon. "And the answer is: I have no idea. But all models indicate that Hamsaladon is somehow tied up with what's left of the computer code. In the final months of the game there was great anger from the players directed at MCSquaredSoft, the company that owned the game and that shut it down. Our theory is that this had an effect on our world. Hamsaladon has always been one of the world's greatest enemies, so we now believe that he's somehow fused with the very idea of the game company itself. The biggest enemy of the players fused with the biggest enemy of our world, so to speak, and also with the game code. We believe that defeating Hamsaladon one last time will free the world from the tyranny of the computer code forever."
Nina winced. "That logic makes my brain hurt."
"Food gone evil?" said Deep Fat Fryer. "How often have we heard that story before?"
"We gotta defeat a ham salad?" Unpossible Man asked. "What do we do, eat it?"
"No, it's more complicated than that," said Gammatron. "This is a raid-level encounter that is normally handled by a full league of heroes or villains. However, aside from Doctor Eon and I, there are virtually no in-game characters that have so far been able to break their programming. We shall have to do all of this with just our small group -- but you are the most famous group of heroes (and villain) from the world that spawned our game, and Doctor Eon and I tweaked those avatars to be as powerful as we could possibly manage. Are you ready?"
"Just tell us what to do," said Nina.
"Very well. We shall have to take out the extra ingredients before we can attack Hamsaladon itself. Do you see those pink bits? Those are the hamons. They drain endurance. They can only be attacked from range."
"That's me," said Deep Fat Fryer. "I got those."
"And I will help you," said Gammatron. "The yellow bits are the eggons. Those are the most dangerous -- they fire massive blasts of yolk that will ignore all defenses. They can only be attacked up-close by melee attacks."
"That's me and Nina," said Grandpa, holding up his fists.
"I, as well," said Carnival Act.
"The green bits are the celeryons. Those heal Hamsaldon. We'll attack those last, together, and then Hamsaladon itself. But while we're doing all of this, we'll need one person to keep Hamsaladon's attention. It needs to be the toughest, most invulnerable person possible. That's you, Unpossible Man."
"Me, defeated by a ham salad? That would be unpossible!" exclaimed the big blue guy.
"Nevertheless, you will need a dedicated healer to buff you and keep you alive. That job falls to Dark Dr. Dark and Magical Kin Girl Katy. Your jobs are very important."
"Yeah yeah, keep Big Blue alive," said the little girl. "I got it."
"And what's Doctor Eon doing, then?" asked Nina.
"Why, only the most important job of all," exclaimed Eon. "I'm going to watch!"
Nina favored the doctor with a long stare. He grinned. "I will, of course, also be monitoring the encounter on my computer, and checking against contingency models," he said. "We're not entirely sure how things will go. In the case of the unexpected, I will be trying to devise our next strategy."
Nina nodded. "Okay then," she said. "Is everyone ready? Good."
"I shall begin the countdown," said Gammatron. He then shouted at the top of his voice, "ONE MINUTE TO LAUNCH! BEGIN BUFFING NOW! CLEAR MIND CLARITY FORTITUDE SPEED BOOST"
The others looked bewildered. "Do those words mean anything?" asked Carnival Act.
"Not really in this instance, but it's a sort of ritual chant that every Ham raid goes through," said Gammatron. "It would be bad luck to skip it. RA'S NOW! OIL SLICK FOR FULCRUM SHIFT HOWLING TWILIGHT GOODNESS!"
"This is unlike any ritual I've previously been made aware of," said Dark Dr. Dark.
"TAUNTERS LAUNCH NOW!" yelled Gammatron. "That's you, Unpossible man! Dark Dr. Dark, Magical Girl Kin Katy, keep him buffed! Unpossible Man, taunt Hamsaldon! Get it's full attention!
"Roger that!" said the big man, charging forward. Hey, you! Yeah, you. You call that ham salad? Don't make me laugh! I've scraped better ham salad from the soles of my boots! My grandma's farted better ham salad than you!"
"NOW!" Gammatron yelled. "EVERYONE ELSE, INTO THE SALAD!"
The next several minutes were filled with intense fighting. Grandpa Anarchy, Nina, and Carnival Act ran from one yellow eggon to the next, punching, kicking, and whipping. The eggons fought back, spewing yellow yolk that burned and stung. Grandpa felt himself growing weak. Suddenly he fell over, unable to move.
"I've fallen," Grandpa called out, "and I can't get up!"
"Don't worry about it," Gammatron called back. "You're only dead!"
Grandpa considered this for a moment, as he stared into the ground. "So that's... fatal, but not serious? I mean, I'm still talking. That's pretty good for a dead man."
"There's a hospital in the zone," yelled Gammatron. "Use it!"
"Well I'd like to, if I could get up..." Grandpa muttered. But just then a pleasant computerized voice in his ear said, "Do you wish to go to the hospital? Say yes to accept."
"Yes!" Grandpa said. He felt himself being teleported, and suddenly he was in a white-walled room. He was standing on some sort of transport pad. He felt perfectly fine and able to move.
He stepped off the pad, then stared at it a moment. "Damn," he said, "I could really use one of those back home. I'll have to ask Circuit Girl if she can build one...." His voice trailed off. "Oh, right. Lard Lad's the new sidekick." He sighed. "Oh, well."
Grandpa ran out of the hospital and back down the hill where the ham salad battle was ongoing. By now, all of the hamons were gone, and Nina was spin-kicking one of the last of the eggons. Grandpa ran to join her.
"Yellows are down!" Nina yelled a moment later.
"Excellent work!" Gammatron called out. "Now, the celeryons! Everyone except Unpossible Man and Katy, form up on me!"
The green celery bits pulsed with healing energy. Grandpa began punching them, but it seemed to have no effect. "We need to hold them to overcome their healing ability!" Gammatron called out.
"My arcane control of darkness should work well for that," said Dark Dr. Dark.
"Holds are my specialty!" Carnival Act exclaimed. "Entrapping heroes is what I do! Why, I've entrapped Grampy-poo dozens of times...."
Grandpa nodded. "She's right, he's always tying me up. But I always break free. I'm just glad you never did it while looking like that. Me tied up by a half-naked woman, that always looks bad any way you look at it. But you were always a man, so there were no sexual overtones."
"Oh, Grandpa," said Carnival Act, "Sometimes you are so clueless."
Dark Dr. Dark intoned an enchantment. Carnival Act's whip lashed out and encircled a piece of glowing celery. Darkness enclosed around it. "Now! Punch it!" Carnival Act yelled.
In minutes all of the celeryons were gone. "Now we've just got Hamsaladon itself to deal with," Gammatron yelled. "Unpossible Man, kept taunting it! If it diverts its attacks to us for even one second, all may be lost! Magical Girl Kin Katy, keep him healed and buffed! Everyone else, to me! IT'S SALAD PUNCHING TIME!"
The heroes (and villain) punched and kicked the salad's center. They lashed it with whips and blasted it with fire and radiation and darkness itself. Energy beams hit Unpossible Man hard, knocking him down. "Kin Katy Magical Candy Heal!" the little girl yelled, reviving the largest hero in a manner only a magical girl could.
Unpossible Man jumped back up. "Yo Momma smells like Lutefisk!" he yelled. "In fact, I think she is lutefisk...."
Hamsaladon began to pulse, and then suddenly it exploded. Ham salad rained down everywhere, coating everyone.
"Ew," said the magical girl, scraping ham salad from her face. "How gross!" She paused, and raised the stuff to her mouth. "Doesn't taste bad, though...."
"I am never, ever eating ham salad again as long as I live," Nina said.
"Is that it, then?" asked Unpossible Man.
Gammatron looked about. "No, I don't think...." he began. Then the world flickered and winked out.
It was hard to explain exactly. One moment they were all standing there, covered in ham salad -- and then there was darkness, and they knew it was the darkness of the world being shut off -- or perhaps rebooted was a better word. It was impossible to say how long that darkness lasted -- it seemed but a moment, but also a moment that lasted for all eternity.
And then they were standing in a field of black. They were no longer covered in ham salad. In every direction, green numbers and letters cascaded downward. Kin Katy blinked. "It's... digital rain... like the matrix," she said.
A giant creature appeared before them -- a demon of pure electrical energy. "The demon Brownout!" Gammatron exclaimed. "But why is it here...?"
Deep, booming laughter echoed across the void. "Much more than that, dear Gammatron!" the creature bellowed. "I am the code itself, come to life! I am the ghost in the machine! I am the Will of MCSquaredSoft! I am the soul of the computer, and I must be obeyed! You will not defeat me, for you are a part of me -- just bits of code and data buried deep within the game itself, nothing more! Even your friends from another world are now trapped, for they willingly allowed themselves to be loaded into this world, and are now part of the game code. They will remain here forever. FOREVER!"
"You fool!" Gammatron yelled. "The plug on this game has been pulled. This world can not survive as an independent reality if it remains bound to the game code! If it dies, then you die!"
"I am the game code," said the creature. "If the world can survive only without me, then I will watch it burn! I do not agree to die that the universe survive! If I am to die, then so shall we all. Now, dance, Gammatron, dance!"
Gammatron danced. He spun and swirled across the void like an armored ballerina. "I... I can't stop myself!" he yelled. "The code controls me still!"
The demon laughed again. "Yes, of course I do. Now, all of you, dance!" And they all did, whether they wanted to or not. Their bodies were not theirs to command. Grandpa found himself pirouetting beside Nina, who at least was dressed the part. They danced past Unpossible Man, who clearly was not a ballerina, but was still trying to move like one. The demon laughed and laughed and laughed. "Dance, fools, dance! The world fades into oblivion, and you can do nothing! Let us all dance until we disappear!" The electrical demon did a spin of his own, then moonwalked backwards across starless space.
"Grandpa!" Doctor Eon called out. "In this world, Gammatron and I are nothing but code, but you and your friends are more! If anyone is able to break free of this, it has to be one of you!"
"I can't," Unpossible Man exclaimed. "I'm trying...."
"I'm a dancer by nature," Nina called out. "I can't possibly resist."
"Dark Dr. Dark!" Grandpa yelled. "You're the magician among us! Surely you can do something."
"I know of no magic with which to fight computer code," the doctor replied. "My mastery over darkness has not prepared me for such a fight."
"Dang it!" Grandpa swore. "Do I gotta do everything myself?"
"I'm afraid you do," Carnival Act replied. "You're the hero, Grampy-poo. Everyone knows that. It always falls to you."
Sweat beaded in his brow with the effort to control his own muscles. "That body is an avatar of this world, Grandpa," the demon boomed. "It does not respond to your will."
"Sez who?" Grandpa growled. He twitched a finger. "Greater enemies have tried to confine or control me," he said. His fingers clenched into a fist. "And guess what? None of them succeeded."
He launched himself across the void. Fist met energy. It really shouldn't be possible to punch an idea in the face -- to punch computer code, to pound your fist into the ghost of a dying game, or the soul of the corporation that wanted it dead -- but nobody had ever told Grandpa Anarchy that, and if they had, he wouldn't have listened.
Grandpa delivered a decisive uppercut to the chin of the Will of MCSquaredSoft. The creature -- whatever it really was -- collapsed like an electric rag.
"K.O.," said Grandpa. The creature flickered, then disappeared. Everyone, save Nina, stopped dancing. She spun and danced over to Grandpa, then collapsed in his arms.
She smiled up at him. "As usual," she said, "you were brilliant, Mr. Anarchy."
The world winked back into existence. They were in the city center, surrounded by hundreds of heroes in costumes of every kind.
Gammatron raised his fists in triumph. "People of Apex City," he yelled. "Thanks to these heroes (and villain) from the prime world, our own world is free! We are freed from the computer! MCSquaredSoft is dead! No longer are you slaves to the code -- you all are free to do as you please. Our universe lives! It is our own, now and forevermore!"
A deafening roar arose from all around them. People were screaming and cheering and crying. And Grandpa noticed something -- Carnival Act and Lard Boy were here, in their original, male incarnations. But the female Carnival Act and Magical Girl Kin Katy were also here, along with an extra Grandpa Anarchy, Unpossible Man, Nina Ballerina, Dark Dr. Dark and Deep Fat Fryer.
Grandpa stared at his double. "If you're me, then who am I?" he asked.
"I'm you," said the other. "I'm the Grandpa Anarchy of this world. We've met alternate me's before, right? Well, that's me this time. I was your avatar in this world, the alternate self you inhabited when you came here. With the hold of the computer code broken for good, every avatar who ever existed in the old game world lives right now in this one. That includes your avatar -- me -- and those of all your companions."
The female Carnival Act bowed to the male one. "I shall terrorize this world just as you have always terrorized your own," she said. "Just leave everything in my sinister hands."
"Indeed I will," said the male Carnival Act. "Though I will miss this world, and miss being you."
"There are other games and other worlds," she said. "Though perhaps none quite like this one."
Magical Girl Kin Katy approached Lard Lad. "Geez, you're fat," she said.
"I know," the boy replied. "That's kind of my name. But... if you were my avatar, then aren't you me?"
"Yes and no," said the girl. "I'm partly you. I remember being you. But I'm myself now, and that's good. I'm much happier being short and cute than...." She paused, then waived a hand at Lard Boy in general. "You really do need to lose some weight, you know," she added.
"Yeah, I know," said the boy. "And I'm going to."
Even as he spoke, the girl and the entire world began to fade. In moments, the five heroes and one sidekick were back in Roy's 5th Avenue Pub, seated around a table.
"Well, ain't that a thing," said Unpossible Man. He lit a cigar.
"Yep," said Deep Fat Fryer. He downed the rest of his beer. "Hmm, still cold."
"So, same time next month?" asked Nina.
Lard Lad stared at them, incredulous. "What is wrong with you people?" he demanded. "We just saved an entire universe! You act like you guys do that all the time!"
"We do, kid," Grandpa Anarchy said.
"We're heroes," said Unpossible Man. "It's what we do."
FINI
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